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We grow from 'failing' in relationships

We grow from ‘failing’ in relationships

A friend said to me something that sparked a thought. She said that she’s exploring polyamory now because she kept ‘failing’ at monogamy. I think that our collective social understanding of relationships failing, is that they are short lasting, end in acrimony or when only one party to the relationship wants to stay in it. …

Are you monogamous? or...

Are you monogamous? Or….

Are you just stuck with the inherited mindset that monogamy is the default choice? Or are you just afraid you will die alone because you haven’t invested in creating a supportive community for yourself? Or are you just scared of opening up your heart to more intimacy and being vulnerable with other people than just …

Are you polyamorous? or...

Are you polyamorous? Or….

Do you suffer from low self esteem and can’t believe anyone will want to date you monogamously, since surely they will want to get some of their needs met elsewhere? Or are you just desperate for validation and ego stroking from multiple people? Or are you just afraid to commit fully and think that by …

Polyamory can never work because…

What follows are statements I’ve personally heard from people who have had something they really wanted to say about polyamory, even if they had never tried it or had wanted to. These criticisms mainly serve to show up a personal bias, ignorance or perhaps unresolved trauma. – “it’s just lack of commitment” Do all monogamous …

Is Hierarchy good or bad?

Inter-relationship power dynamics in multigamy

Is hierarchy good or bad? This question was inspired by one of my partners who saw an Instagram post portraying hierarchy in polyamory as something that is always inherently unethical, and rooted in colonialism. ​The account in question​ (@decolonizing.love) is dedicated to giving voice to marginalised communities within polyamory and in a broader sense, and …

What to think about when opening up a monogamous relationship

As a relationship coach, I regularly work with couples who come to me at various stages of their journey into multigamy* (non-monogamy) with challenges, seemingly impossible conflicts, resentment and triggered fears. It is rare to meet a couple that book to work with me immediately a the start of their opening-up exploration, but it does …

Value

Where does my value come from?

The journey I embarked on included learning that my value doesn’t come from how desirable I am or how desired I can make my partner feel at all times. From the time I felt I was an adult, I have tried to be conscious about the work I needed to do on myself in order …