Glossary of terms for expansive relationships

This is an ever evolving glossary of terms that are used in expansive relationships. This includes conscious monogamy, multigamy (non-monogamy), singledom and other dynamics. Click on a term to expand and read about it. If you are looking for a term that you cannot find here, please submit it via the contact form. A B …

Healing from trauma – an analogy

Sometimes, a suitable analogy helps imagine something better than any direct explanation. If you can imagine it, it is also possible to get there. Picture yourself on a ship floating in the ocean. It is dark and you don’t know where you are. It’s the middle of the night. Suddenly a large powerful wave hits …

Is Hierarchy good or bad?

Inter-relationship power dynamics in multigamy

Is hierarchy good or bad? This question was inspired by one of my partners who saw an Instagram post portraying hierarchy in polyamory as something that is always inherently unethical, and rooted in colonialism. ​The account in question​ (@decolonizing.love) is dedicated to giving voice to marginalised communities within polyamory and in a broader sense, and …

What to think about when opening up a monogamous relationship

As a relationship coach, I regularly work with couples who come to me at various stages of their journey into multigamy* (non-monogamy) with challenges, seemingly impossible conflicts, resentment and triggered fears. It is rare to meet a couple that book to work with me immediately a the start of their opening-up exploration, but it does …

Interview with Roy on Sensuali.com

I was recently interviewed by Sensuali.com about my practice and my experience and beliefs around relationships. The interview in full is available on Sensuali.com. It is a community and resources for sex positive, shame-free support and services. They believe sexuality should be explored without shame or restrictions. Sensuali gives you the power to offer or …

Solo Polyamory Day interview

On September 24, Solo Polyamory day was celebrated I was one of several speakers who spent about half an hour chatting with Mel Cassidy about Solo Polyamory. The recorded talk is below and you can also go to her Youtube channel to watch the entire days’ recordings. Video

Roy on the Metro Smutdrop podcast (13 Sep)

(publish date: 13 September 2023) A pleasant and probing conversation with Miri. I think she asked good questions and got quite deep. My part starts at 5 minutes in. Episode 78 “We’re scribbling notes quickly because we have a relationship coach and counsellor on Smut Drop this week. Roy Graff offers counselling under the Psychosynthesis modality and …

Value

Where does my value come from?

The journey I embarked on included learning that my value doesn’t come from how desirable I am or how desired I can make my partner feel at all times. From the time I felt I was an adult, I have tried to be conscious about the work I needed to do on myself in order …

The emotional and sexual connection spectra

The notion that people should just accept the socially normalised, traditional and restrictive way of relating and connecting romantically / sexually seems to me absurd. Just as absurd as it now is to expect everyone to be straight, just because this is how the majority identify, or to insist that people born left-handed must only …

How has polyamory changed me?

5 ways that polyamory changed my approach to relationships

I have identified as polyamorous for more than 11 years. This period coincided with other major changes in my personal and professional life that can also be linked to the new way I started to relate. I can see a clear impact on my life in general, of learning how to relate openly and accept …