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Is Hierarchy good or bad?

Inter-relationship power dynamics in multigamy

Is hierarchy good or bad? This question was inspired by one of my partners who saw an Instagram post portraying hierarchy in polyamory as something that is always inherently unethical, and rooted in colonialism. ​The account in question​ (@decolonizing.love) is dedicated to giving voice to marginalised communities within polyamory and in a broader sense, and …

What to think about when opening up a monogamous relationship

As a relationship coach, I regularly work with couples who come to me at various stages of their journey into multigamy* (non-monogamy) with challenges, seemingly impossible conflicts, resentment and triggered fears. It is rare to meet a couple that book to work with me immediately a the start of their opening-up exploration, but it does …

Value

Where does my value come from?

The journey I embarked on included learning that my value doesn’t come from how desirable I am or how desired I can make my partner feel at all times. From the time I felt I was an adult, I have tried to be conscious about the work I needed to do on myself in order …

The emotional and sexual connection spectra

The notion that people should just accept the socially normalised, traditional and restrictive way of relating and connecting romantically / sexually seems to me absurd. Just as absurd as it now is to expect everyone to be straight, just because this is how the majority identify, or to insist that people born left-handed must only …

How deep can you go when you have multiple partners?

A common argument from people sceptical of polyamory as a viable relating dynamic, is that it doesn’t go deep enough because you don’t get to spend all your time together like you would in monogamy. Being drawn to each other in monogamy often leads to spending as much time as you can together, building intimacy …

Love means focusing on what matters

Love means focusing on what really matters

If I’m dating someone who’s also seeing other people and exploring more romantic relationships, I might be concerned that they won’t give me enough attention or that others will get more of them than I will. This can feel scary, like I’m not important enough to be prioritised. Our socialised expectations are for our partner …

advice for monogamous couples

Advice to monogamous couples

I asked ChatGPT4 to list 10 tips for monogamous couples, based on the content of my Twitter feed @openrelating. Here is what it came up with, I don’t hate it but it’s also just basic common sense advice for all relationships and really shows how monoamorous and polyamorous people’s healthy relationships are not that different.

Random thoughts about relationships

The rise of fascism, families and relationships The rise of fascistic policies and leaders around the world (thinking of traditionally Western democratic countries like US, Italy, Sweden, Israel) is, I believe, a direct result of patterns of dictatorship and fascism being normalised in family life. When children are raised in families that do not give …

10 Tips for Maintaining a Healthy & Loving Relationship

1) Communicate openly and honestly with your partner 2) Practice active listening and try to understand your partner’s perspective 3) Show appreciation and gratitude towards your partner 4) Make time for eachother and prioritize your relationship 5) Practice forgiveness and work through conflicts and misunderstandings 6) Respect each other’s boundaries and needs 7) Nurture your …