Roy Graff

Relationship Coach

Helping You Create Expansive Relationships

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Why Open Relating?

Being raised on a diet of monogamous romantic fantasies, most people develop a mythological sense of what healthy relationships look like. Once we recognise love as separate from 'meeting needs', we are on our path to a better way of loving ourselves and others. We can design our relationships in any way that makes sense to us and our partners.

If what society says we should be doing feels unnatural, then do it differently. Nothing is 'default' or 'natural', except what feels natural to us. When there is an internal struggle, it is often because we inherit a set of values and expectations from our community, family and tribe that are at odds with what we feel inside.

Open Relating is about creating and maintaining conscious, connected and autonomous, expsnasive relationships, regardless of their dynamic and how many people are involved. Doing so requires first an honest unflinching look at our own vulnerabilities, fears, needs, wants and desires.

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Relationship Coaching

Relationship success looks different depending on who you are, what beliefs you have and how much autonomy you need. Together for ever after isn't always the best outcome. Moving in together isn't always the best outcome. Relationship success is personal and varied. I work with individuals, couples and polycules.

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Relationship Resources

You can access a wide range of educational articles, a relationship glossary and audio&video resources that can help you improve your relationship building and maintenance skills.
The blog has years-worth of reflections, insights and how-to guides to more conscious, connected and autonomous relationships.

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Coaching Sessions

Keeping your individual identity and autonomy is important for healthy and sustainable relationships.
I can help you to manage jealousy, create healthy boundaries and communicate better with your partner/s.
My approach is inclusive of all orientations, genders and dynamics and is trauma-informed.

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Workshops and Talks

Sign-up to the next live workshop or check out pre-recorded webinars about relationship dynamics, jealousy, compersion and related topics.
More videos are added in the Webinars page on a regular basis.
Some are available for a small price, and many are free.
Donations are welcome.

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Latest articles

advice for monogamous couples

Advice to monogamous couples

I asked ChatGPT4 to list 10 tips for monogamous couples, based on the content of my Twitter feed @openrelating. Here is what it came up with, I don’t hate it but it’s also just basic common sense advice for all relationships and really shows how monoamorous and polyamorous people’s healthy relationships are not that different.

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Random thoughts about relationships

The rise of fascism, families and relationships The rise of fascistic policies and leaders around the world (thinking of traditionally Western democratic countries like US, Italy, Sweden, Israel) is, I believe, a direct result of patterns of dictatorship and fascism being normalised in family life. When children are raised in families that do not give …

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Audio: Roy appearing on the Open Late podcast with Jessica Esfandiary

(publish date: 15 March 2023) Speaking with Jessica about my journey as a latecomer to polyamory and going into the weeds of solo-polyamory. EPSIODE 84 “It’s important for people to start feeling comfortable feeling uncomfortable.” Jess interviews Roy Graff, a Relationship coach and Therapist from London who is also practicing Solo-polyamory. In this episode Roy …

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