Roy Graff

Relationship Coach & Counselor

for individuals and partners

Book a free session with me

What is Open Relating?

Being raised in a culture dominated by monogamous romantic ideals, most people develop an almost mythological idea of what relationships 'should' look like.

Love means being invested in another's spiritual growth. Once we recognise love as separate from meeting needs we are on our path to a better way of loving ourselves and others. We can design our relationships in any way that makes sense to us and our partners.

If what society says we should be doing feels unnatural, we can do it differently so it feels more authentic. Nothing is 'default' or 'natural', except what feels right to us.

Open Relating means creating and maintaining conscious, connected, autonomous, expansive relationships, regardless of how many people are involved and what agreements you make.

Doing so requires first an honest unflinching look at our own vulnerabilities, fears, needs, wants and desires.

I want to learn more

Relationship Coaching

Relationship success varies, depending on who you are, what beliefs you have and how much autonomy you need. The relationship escalator may work for some, but for many, it doesn't. I am interested in you, and what is the best outcome for you. My coaching is for individuals and partnered people.

How can coaching help

Get informed

You can access a wide range of educational articles, a relationship glossary and audio&video resources that can help you improve your relationship building and maintenance skills.
The blog has years-worth of reflections, insights and how-to guides to more conscious, connected and autonomous relationships.

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Counseling & therapy

I am a qualified and accredited counselor, trained with the Institute of Psychosynthesis. I can see individual clients in-person or online. Counseling is helpful for working with persistent issues of self-esteem, insecurity, depression or motivation. If you are struggling emotionally, and are looking for an open minded, understanding and trauma-informed counselor, I'm here.

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Workshops and Talks

Sign-up to the next live workshop or check out pre-recorded webinars about relationship dynamics, jealousy, compersion and related topics.
More videos are added in the Webinars page on a regular basis.
Some are available for a small price, and many are free.
Donations are welcome.

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Latest articles

Roy on the Metro Smutdrop podcast (13 Sep)

(publish date: 13 September 2023) A pleasant and probing conversation with Miri. I think she asked good questions and got quite deep. My part starts at 5 minutes in. Episode 78 “We’re scribbling notes quickly because we have a relationship coach and counsellor on Smut Drop this week. Roy Graff offers counselling under the Psychosynthesis modality and …

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Where does my value come from?

The journey I embarked on included learning that my value doesn’t come from how desirable I am or how desired I can make my partner feel at all times. From the time I felt I was an adult, I have tried to be conscious about the work I needed to do on myself in order …

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The emotional and sexual connection spectra

The notion that people should just accept the socially normalised, traditional and restrictive way of relating and connecting romantically / sexually seems to me absurd. Just as absurd as it now is to expect everyone to be straight, just because this is how the majority identify, or to insist that people born left-handed must only …

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