Roy Graff

Relationship & Life Coach

Co-organiser of Polyamory Day 2021

To learn more and book

Why Open Relating?

My name is Roy and this is my passion project. Being raised on a diet of monogamous romantic fantasies, most people develop a mythological sense of what healthy relationships look like. Once we recognise love as separate from 'meeting needs', we are on our path to a better way of loving ourselves and others. We can design our relationships in any way that makes sense to us and our partners.

If what society says we should be doing feels unnatural, then do it differently. Nothing is 'default' or 'natural', except what feels natural to us. When there is an internal struggle, it is often because we inherit a set of values and expectations from our community, family and tribe that are at odds with what we feel inside.

I offer coaching and mentoring to individuals and couples+, education and support in the field of conscious relationships, openness and intimacy. While I am happily polyamorous and in multiple relationships, I believe that we each have a relationship dynamic that fits us. I can support you in figuring it out.

Since 2014, I’ve been giving talks, facilitating discussions and holding workshops about non-monogamy, sex positivity, consent and kink to audiences of up to 300 people.

Open Relating is about creating and maintaining conscious, connected and autonomous relationships, regardless of their dynamic and how many people are involved. Doing so requires first an honest unflinching look at our own vulnerabilities, fears, needs, wants and desires.

Click to read Roy's Bio...


Relationship success looks different depending on who you are, what beliefs you have and how much autonomy you need. Together for ever after isn't always the best outcome. Moving in together isn't always the best outcome. Relationship success is personal and varied.


Why is jealousy actually important to feel, express and inquire?

Because jealousy is a spotlight on your insecurities and fear, and learning more about why they float up, will guide you in healing and being more secure, and more in self-love.


There is a wide spectrum of relationship dynamoics. One-sized monogamy does not fit all.

When we accept that we are able to design a relationship that suits us fully, we have the ability to step into abundance mindset and be our full, authentic selves.

How I can help you

You can schedule a free no-strings session with me to figure this out. My REALationships course has a new class starting every few months. My coaching and mentoring sessions are available to individuals, couples and polycules. I also run regular online workshops and webinars with other great speakers. My blog offers free educational content on conscious relating, polyamory and communications. If you find it helpful, please consider supporting the work with a small contribution.

From scarcity to abundance

Join a small group for 4 weekly, online workshops.
Unlearn the scarcity mindset that we have been taught by society, and embrace an abundance mindset that sets us free to design the REALationships that we authentically deserve. Courses start every few months or you can book a private course.

Find out more

Coaching Sessions

Keeping your individual identity and autonomy is important for healthy and sustainable relationships.
Start by booking a free 25 minute consultation.
I can help you to manage jealousy, create healthy boundaries and communicate better with your partner/s. I also offer regular group support sessions - the Coaching Club.

Find out more

Workshops, videos and audio content

Sign-up to the next live workshop or check out my pre-recorded webinars about relationship dynamics, jealousy, compersion and related topics.
More videos are added in the Webinars page on a regular basis.
Some are available for a small price, and many are free.
Donations are welcome.

Find out more

Latest articles

Video: Roy returning to the Practicing Polyamory podcast (6 October 2021)

Solo-polymory, non-hierarchical polyamory or just dating around… What’s the difference? I return to the Practicing Polyamory podcast, available on Youtube and as an audio download. I will talk about my own solo-polyamory relationship dynamic and how it is often gets confused with non-hierarchical polyamory as well as ‘dating around’, ‘playing the field’, or not wanting …

Read more

“I don’t want to share you”

When your partner says they want to open up the relationship to date other people, and your response is ‘I can’t share you’, what’s really going on? It might sound strange to hear, when your feelings are so strongly indicating that this suggestion from your partner means you have to ‘share’ them, but – Sharing …

Read more

Audio: Interview with Roy on Radio WRUU Savannah

(original broadcast 21 Sep. 21) This radio station reached out to me to ask questions about polyamory and non-monogamy. The questions are intended to introduce the concept to people who may not know much about these topics, and accordingly, I try to give a broad definition as well as talking about my personal lived experience. …

Read more
See More Posts

Follow me on Instagram!

Get in touch

To learn how the personal information you provide is used, please read our privacy policy