About

Hi, I’m Roy.

As a fully accredited and licensed Psychotherapeutic counsellor, I offer support and guidance to individuals and partnered people through therapy and coaching. My lived experience is varied, multicultural and extensive.

After a long career in marketing and business development in small & large companies, and as an entrepreneur, I had a major life change in 2020. The COVID-19 crisis prompted me to question my life choices and led me to retrain as a counsellor.

This is what those who know me, say about me:

• Attentive and empathetic space holder
• Pragmatic, direct and analytical 
• Focused on growth, empowerment and independence
• Accepting and affirming of gender, sex and relationship diversity
• Oriented towards system dynamics in relationships
• Has a good balance of gentleness and firmness
• Possesses the ability to apply skills across multiple disciplines
• Has a passion for mentoring and coaching

I offer coaching and counselling following the Psychosynthesis modality, and am registered with BACP. My support to you is based on lived experience, a great deal of self-experimentation, exploration, a range of educational courses and 7+ years of running workshops and facilitating groups. I have training in Radical Honesty, Non-violent Communication and Wheel of Consent. 

All my recorded workshops and webinars are available. Many for free and some for a small fee.

I have lived adventurously and curiously and had a varied career in business development and marketing for over 20 years, living on different continents and collecting many life experiences. Over this time, I’ve lived in Europe, the Middle East, North America and Asia.

My first 20 years adulting were unconsciously monogamous by default. I was in several long term relationships including being married and becoming a father. Briefly (and ignorantly) I’ve experimented with an open marriage and long distance non-monogamy, which unsurprisingly, considering my lack of experience and knowledge, didn’t work out. 

A personal and financial crisis in 2010, forced me to completely re-evaluate my life and values, attend therapy and dig deep inside for self-awareness and self-love. 

Since a chance introduction to non-monogamy in 2014, I have identified as polyamorous, experiencing a wide variety of relationship dynamics in the spectra of multigamy. Assimilating knowledge from diverse sources and making many of my own mistakes, I’ve learnt a great deal over the past 10 years which I share with my clients in our sessions. 

Since then, I’ve been giving talks, facilitating discussions and holding workshops about non-monogamy, sex positivity, consent and kink to audiences of up to 300 people. In the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic, these experiences also led me to train in psychotherapy. I can help with relationship issues, honesty and authenticity in relating, life transformation and major life crises. 

Polyamory is my orientation, not a choice 

In monogamy, I felt restricted (not through the fault of my partners, we didn’t even know of the option). I now know that when I feel free, I am the best version of myself and my partners also benefit from that.

The increasing complexity of human life means that expanding the options for human connection and intimacy can be seen as part of social evolution. In Western culture, at least, people have created a society that values individualism, and pushes us to seek happiness as an ideal.

What multigamy brings is a path to more intimate social connections that combines our individual needs with stronger social ties to community. Having the choice to explore deeper connections with more people can be seen as an evolutionary force.

This is not a suggestion that there is anything wrong with choosing monogamy. I support all and any consensual relationship dynamics and structures that bring enrichment and purpose to the individuals involved. The basic toolkit we all need for healthy, intimate, autonomous and boundaried relationships remains the same.

If you are based in London, I run a London-based non-monogamous men’s support group and moderate several community groups related to sex positivity, play fighting and polyamory.

Empower yourself with open, conscious communication and autonomous, connected relationships. Book a free consultation with me today to embark on your journey of growth and transformation.

Read my latest blog articles

• Audio: Roy returns to the Authentic Man podcast to discuss men’s mental health (ep. 278)
  Podcast release date 20 May 2026 Roy was glad to be invited back onto the Authentic Man podcast for a powerful conversation around men’s mental health, emotional suppression, vulnerability and why so many men struggle to ask for support. In this episode, Roy Graff and David Chambers explore the deeper reasons many men avoid therapy, …
• What Does It Really Mean to Be Polyamorous? Here’s What nearly 1000  People Told Us
  By Roy Graff | Open Relating I’ve spent years working with people who are exploring  the far edges of what society traditionally thought a relationship can look like. Some were questioning whether monogamy is the right fit for them. Some were  already living multigamously (non-monogamously) but carrying the emotional weight of having to hide it. …
• Do we expect too much from one partner? Rethinking the Monogamy model.
  Many people grow up believing their partner should be everything: best friend, emotional support, lover, confidant and life planner. But what if expecting one person to meet all our needs is unrealistic? This article explores how polyamory and multigamy challenge this idea, and how releasing these expectations can create healthier, more spacious relationships.
• Speaking at Expose, December 3-7
  I am really excited to be presenting at Expose 2026. A recording of all sessions will be available after the live event. Challenging relationships norms with polyamory and relationship anarchy 6 December, 2025 Click here to book for free! A healthy, fulfilling sex life brings joy, happiness and connection. EXPOSE will offer over 30 sexuality …
• Audio: Roy on the Modern Anarchy podcast with Dr. Nicole Thompson
  Podcast release date 5 November 2025 Listen on the Modern Anarchy website On today’s episode, we have Roy Graff (he/him) join us for a conversation all about finding pleasure in expansive relating. Together we talk about the generations of lost orgasms, our unconscious cultural conditioning, and stepping into more touch support. 🧡 If you enjoyed …

This song really resonates with me, I invite you to listen to the lyrics and enjoy.