As a relationship coach and counsellor, I offer support and guidance to individuals and partnered people both online and in-person. I use a variety of methodologies I was trained with, along with my extensive lived experience as a multilingual and multicultural global citizen.

After a long career in marketing and business development in the tourism and retail sectors, working in large companies and as an entrepreneur, I have changed directions in 2021. The COVID-19 crisis prompted me to retrain for a new career in mental health and wellness.

This is what those who know me, say about me:

  • Attentive and empathetic space holder
  • Pragmatic, direct and analytical 
  • Focused on growth, empowerment and independence
  • Accepting and affirming of gender, sex and relationship diversity
  • Oriented towards system dynamics in relationships
  • Has a good balance of gentleness and firmness
  • Possesses the ability to apply skills across multiple disciplines
  • Has a passion for mentoring and coaching

I offer coaching and counselling following the Psychosynthesis modality, and am accredited by NCPS. My support to you is based on lived experience, a great deal of self-experimentation, exploration, a range of educational courses and 7+ years of running workshops and facilitating groups. I have training in Radical Honesty, Non-violent Communication and Wheel of Consent. 

All my recorded workshops and webinars are available. Many for free and some for a small fee.

I have lived adventurously and curiously and had a varied career in business development and marketing for over 20 years, living on different continents and collecting many life experiences. Over this time, I’ve lived in Europe, the Middle East, North America and Asia.

My first 20 years adulting were unconsciously monogamous by default. I was in several long term relationships including being married and becoming a father. Briefly (and ignorantly) I’ve experimented with an open marriage and long distance non-monogamy, which unsurprisingly, considering my lack of experience and knowledge, didn’t work out. 

A personal and financial crisis in 2010, forced me to completely re-evaluate my life and values, attend therapy and dig deep inside for self-awareness and self-love. 

Since a chance introduction to non-monogamy in 2014, I have identified as polyamorous, experiencing a wide variety of relationship dynamics in the spectra of multigamy. Assimilating knowledge from diverse sources and making many of my own mistakes, I’ve learnt a great deal over the past 10 years which I share with my clients in our sessions. 

Since then, I’ve been giving talks, facilitating discussions and holding workshops about non-monogamy, sex positivity, consent and kink to audiences of up to 300 people. In the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic, these experiences also led me to train in psychotherapy. I can help with relationship issues, honesty and authenticity in relating, life transformation and major life crises. 

Polyamory is my orientation, not a choice 

In monogamy, I felt restricted (not through the fault of my partners, we didn’t even know of the option). I now know that when I feel free, I am the best version of myself and my partners also benefit from that.

The increasing complexity of human life means that expanding the options for human connection and intimacy can be seen as part of social evolution. In Western culture, at least, people have created a society that values individualism, and pushes us to seek happiness as an ideal.

What multigamy brings is a path to more intimate social connections that combines our individual needs with stronger social ties to community. Having the choice to explore deeper connections with more people can be seen as an evolutionary force.

This is not a suggestion that there is anything wrong with choosing monogamy. I support all and any consensual relationship dynamics and structures that bring enrichment and purpose to the individuals involved. The basic toolkit we all need for healthy, intimate, autonomous and boundaried relationship is the same.

If you are based in London, I run a London-based non-monogamous men’s support group and moderate several Facebook groups related to sex positivity and polyamory.

My focus is on open, conscious communication and empowering people to build autonomous, connected, independent and interdependent relationships. Book a free appointment with me today.

Read my latest blog articles

  • Roy on the Metro Smutdrop podcast (13 Sep)
    (publish date: 13 September 2023) A pleasant and probing conversation with Miri. I think she asked good questions and got quite deep. My part starts at 5 minutes in. Episode 78 “We’re scribbling notes quickly because we have a relationship coach and counsellor on Smut Drop this week. Roy Graff offers counselling under the Psychosynthesis modality and … Read more
  • Where does my value come from?
    The journey I embarked on included learning that my value doesn’t come from how desirable I am or how desired I can make my partner feel at all times. From the time I felt I was an adult, I have tried to be conscious about the work I needed to do on myself in order … Read more
  • The emotional and sexual connection spectra
    The notion that people should just accept the socially normalised, traditional and restrictive way of relating and connecting romantically / sexually seems to me absurd. Just as absurd as it now is to expect everyone to be straight, just because this is how the majority identify, or to insist that people born left-handed must only … Read more
  • 5 ways that polyamory changed my approach to relationships
    I have identified as polyamorous for more than 11 years. This period coincided with other major changes in my personal and professional life that can also be linked to the new way I started to relate. I can see a clear impact on my life in general, of learning how to relate openly and accept … Read more
  • How deep can you go when you have multiple partners?
    A common argument from people sceptical of polyamory as a viable relating dynamic, is that it doesn’t go deep enough because you don’t get to spend all your time together like you would in monogamy. Being drawn to each other in monogamy often leads to spending as much time as you can together, building intimacy … Read more

This song really resonates with me, I invite you to listen to the lyrics and enjoy.