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How lack of boundaries harmed me

If I ask you what your personal boundaries are, would you be able to tell me right away, without sinking into an existential crisis at the magnitude of the question? Until I discovered polyamory and spent a few years figuring it out, I never once stopped to think that I should have clearly defined, self-affirming …

Pre-chat transcript for the ‘Setting boundaries’ workshop

Watch the Instagram video and workshop here. Read the transcript for the pre-workshop chat below. Roy: In some of my past monogamous relationships, I was I was told I was being selfish for wanting things and not respecting their needs and boundaries which I didn’t know about initially because it wasn’t communicated. I started believing …

Monogamyths - unlearning the default monogamous culture

Monogamyths – unlearning default monogamous culture

Unpacking learned social norms and expectations about relationships What do you remember from early childhood, about romantic relationships? How much of your parents’ relationship was visible to you? Their intimacy, the way they resolve conflict? Their sexuality? What was the message you were taught from society, the examples you have seen in books, TV and movies?  …

What is compersion and can I be polyamorous without it?

It is a recently made-up word that you won’t find in a dictionary. The classiest definition I could find is: Sympathetic Joy I don’t remember when or where I read first about compersion. But I liked how the word sounded and it made sense to me immediately. I was also surprised that there was not …

Reason for Polyamory

Am I polyamorous for a reason?

I truly believe that I was born Polyamorous, and it took me more than 40 years to realise it. I wanted to share all the reasons that explain why why polyamory is the emotional connection style that best fits me. I’ve added contributions from other people at the bottom of this post. People come into …

Jealousy in Polyamory (video)

Video: Jealousy in Polyamory

On 1st April I spoke on Instagram Live together with Manu @polyamory_awareness about what happens when we experience jealousy in polyamorous and open relationships. This is about a 1 hour talk where we discuss what triggers jealousy and how to handle these emotions. We take many, many questions from the viewers! You can also listen …

Multigamy

Multigamy

It’s a term I coined to replace ‘non-monogamy’ as the blanket category of all non-exclusive, multi-partner relationships. Play to hear the pronunciation Over time, as I keep hearing and reading about ‘non-monogamy’, I have become annoyed with people using the term (with the implied ethics and consent consideration that adds a prefix to it). Describing …