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Our body’s trauma response to jealousy

Oftentimes when jealousy kicks in, we are in a “fight or flight” mode of survival response. Our nervous system perceives a threat and wants to defend. In this article, I look at some techniques for centering and grounding yourself so that you can be get to a more empowered stance for healing.  Our nervous system …

The place between Love and Fear

How can we understand, unpack and process the emotions that we think of as jealousy? This article focuses on jealousy experienced as strong emotions and feelings. Click here to read about how our minds and thoughts influence our experience of jealousy. Our emotional response can be about socialised expectations but that does not mean that …

How lack of boundaries harmed me

If I ask you what your personal boundaries are, would you be able to tell me right away, without sinking into an existential crisis at the magnitude of the question? Until I discovered polyamory and spent a few years figuring it out, I never once stopped to think that I should have clearly defined, self-affirming …

Video: Pre-chat for the ‘Setting boundaries’ workshop

Watch the Instagram video and workshop here. Read the transcript for the pre-workshop chat below. Roy: In some of my past monogamous relationships, I was I was told I was being selfish for wanting things and not respecting their needs and boundaries which I didn’t know about initially because it wasn’t communicated. I started believing …

Monogamyths - unlearning the default monogamous culture

Monogamyths – unlearning default monogamous culture

Unpacking learned social norms and expectations about relationships What do you remember from early childhood, about romantic relationships? How much of your parents’ relationship was visible to you? Their intimacy, the way they resolve conflict? Their sexuality? What was the message you were taught from society, the examples you have seen in books, TV and movies?  …

What is compersion and can I be polyamorous without it?

It is a recently made-up word that you won’t find in a dictionary. The classiest definition I could find is: Sympathetic Joy I don’t remember when or where I read first about compersion. But I liked how the word sounded and it made sense to me immediately. I was also surprised that there was not …

Relationship expectation setting (part 2/2)

Part 2 of my interview with Emma and Ryan about having a relationship expectation talk early on Continuation of my interview with Emma and Ryan (pseudonyms) about their new relationship conversations Click here to read part 1 of the interview Roy: I’m wanting to go back to you mentioning that relationship talk that you have …

Relationship expectation setting (part 1/2)

Setting early expectations at the start of a relationship: a couple interviewed I sat down with a new-ish couple, Emma and Ryan (pseudonyms), for an interview about how they consciously approached the start of their relationship. Roy: Thank you both for being here. Why don’t you describe from your perspective, how you met or when …

Why am I polyamorous?

I wanted to share all the reasons that explain why I am polyamorous, or rather, why polyamory is the emotional connection style that best fits me. I’ve added contributions from other people at the bottom of this post. People come into polyamory at different life stages and for different reasons. Some take it slowly and …