What would a Poly-normative world look like?

I wanted to run a thought experiment:

what would society look like if there was a complete paradigm shift, where monogamy was not the default option but instead, people would consider all relationship dynamics and choose the one right for them?

Imagine that there wasn’t any focus on the 2-person dyad model of relationship ideal. Instead, children would learn that all relational dynamics are equally valid, just like all gender attractions are valid. What might some of the effects of such an upbringing have on society at large? Here are some of my thoughts about that:

Schools would teach about the spectrum of relational dynamics, show examples of different ways to be in relationship and help children understand how they can become emotionally self-sufficient, embodied and have healthy boundaries.

Young people will wait with deciding on monogamy until they fully knew themselves. They will experiment with various models and find the one that fits them the best, for that phase in their lives.

We will be looking to become self sufficient and meet our own needs, rather than seeking codependency.

Love and sex will not be thought of as finite, scarce resources. There will be widespread recognition that personal choice of being single, partnered and having multiple partners are simply human choices that are all equally valid.

Counselling and therapy will become a basic right offered free as part of universal mental health care, as it will become apparent that facing up to our own feelings and learning to process and heal them, is a critical element of self-care and self-love.

Many mutual support cooperatives will be formed, that do not rely on the nuclear family model.

Capitalism will be moderated by compassion and mutual care, as more people discover their humanity and develop higher empathy.

Love bonds will be formed across geographies and cultures. There will not be the imperative to find a person that has to be fully compatible with you in every way.

In many countries, several generations of a family all live together and raise kids together. Without pressure to create an economic unit of 2 adults+kids, would people just keep adding extensions to their house to welcome more people in? Assuming the paradigm shift happens to replace mono-normativity, is it possible that polycules will take over whole floors in high-rise buildings and create vertical villages?

We do not fall in love with a dynamic, we fall in love with a person

The approach to relating will become more conscious, and therefore more evolved. An evolved relationship perspective means being aware of our own needs and boundaries, and discovering the relationship dynamic that fits these needs and boundaries.

When we fall in love, we will not shy away from discussing openly, our own needs and communicating our boundaries, so that beyond love, we also recognise if our values are aligned.

Polyamory is a more evolved relational model for me personally, because monogamy didn’t feel like it suited me and Polyamory suits me perfectly. If someone is polyamorous, then a multigamous (non-monogamous) relationship is the evolved choice for them. If someone is monoamorous, then monogamy is the evolved relationship model for them.

The evolution is that we are aware of the options, and conduct self-inquiry to know what is the right model for us.

Conscious relationships are more evolved, and are preceded by the querying and questioning of the default models that we have been conditioned to accept as ‘normal’ as we were growing up.

Follower contributions

We’d have to normalise talking about relationships, feelings and ourselves very openly as there would be so much diversity. Nothing would be assumed. We’d probably learn relationship skills (maybe in school but at least talking about this would be normalised) and that finding a partner wouldn’t be such a competitive sport.


I think we would see better childcare. Children would be raised by a community of adults rather than the parents within their family unit.


The governmental financial benefits tied to marriage and parenthood would change because our societal ideas of what constitutes a family and familial needs would be different. These might already be different in other countries, but in the United States, there are tax breaks specifically linked to getting married and having childre


There would be such better self-expression! perhaps a worldwide decrease of shame in our sexual and romantic expressions


We’d actively learn about alternative relationship structures and be able to actively articulate the benefits of our relationships. Maybe that sounds a bit clinical but we have so many assumptions around relationships and what we perceive the benefits *should* be that we rarely articulate what the tangible benefits are ?‍♀️


I think our homes and houses would be different. Without monogamy would we have a less child focused society, would we have communes and less biological child bonds. Would our houses and architecture reflect that? Maybe modular portable homes would be more normal and buildings wouldn’t even exist, maybe all doorways would be super wide, maybe large open plan living would mean our buildings all have a courtyard in the centre (similar to Moroccan architecture).


Children and everyone would be safer in general because it would be hard not to have stronger communities with better support and communication in a world like that as well


1 Comment

  1. […] A world devoid of mono-normativity will look vastly different, and will not tie our human need for social attachment, to a monetary value. Check out this post about imagining such a world. […]

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