Feelings are crucial data for us. We need to allow them to move through us. Not suppress, not explode, but channel them so we can observe and learn.
What if rather than saying “I am jealous”, I choose to say “I am lacking something that is causing me insecurity”?
This then paves the way to inquiring what that lack is. What do I need to feel secure? Processing feelings in this way can result in some amazing breakthroughs.
It’s important to know the difference between feeling discomfort or nervous, and feeling triggered.
It’s also important to realise that sometimes a discomfort or reluctance can be the body’s way of attempting to help you avoid being triggered.
The attention you focus on an emotion, will grow and deepen that emotion. This is true for both good and bad feelings. You can practice channeling your attention, and you will get better at managing your emotions.
There is a difference between suppressing or ignoring an emotion, and using conscious awareness to channel it. Ignoring or pushing down an emotion, is basically trying to use the mind to convince myself that I am not feeling the emotion.
However, channeling the energy of an emotion towards a positive release, starts with accepting that what I feel is ok to feel and seeking an outlet for that energy that is the most healthy/least harmful for me in the moment. It means I can come back to process the emotion when I can better handle it.
I want to share the podcast below with Brene Brown (the entire season is about emotions and is worth a subscription) that very neatly articulates how important it is to map and understand our range of negative emotions.
- Jealousy part 1: How to understand jealousy?
- Jealousy part 2: Between Love and Fear
- Jealousy part 3: The body’s trauma response
I have also come across this article in the Guardian that is worth a read: