Love means focusing on what matters

Love means focusing on what really matters

If I’m dating someone who’s also seeing other people and exploring more romantic relationships, I might be concerned that they won’t give me enough attention or that others will get more of them than I will.

This can feel scary, like I’m not important enough to be prioritised. Our socialised expectations are for our partner to turn their focus to us fully. Any insecurity I have around attachment could easily flare up.

But what matters at the end of the day, is how they are with me.

Am I getting my needs met?

Do I even know how to recognise my needs are met?

Knowing has to come from observing the direct connection that I have with someone, not from what they are or aren’t doing outside of our own relationship.

If they don’t have time to meet me regularly because they are more interested in going on dates with others, I’d feel unimportant to them.

If they are on their phones swiping for dates while we are having dinner, I’d feel disregarded.

But if they are attentive, caring, responsive and show an active interest, I could care less if they are actively dating more new people. My focus is on how they treat me.

So long as I feel well cared for, I’ll be secure in our relationship no matter what other connections they have going on.

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