Why am I polyamorous?

I wanted to share all the reasons that explain why I am polyamorous, or rather, why polyamory is the emotional connection style that best fits me. I’ve added contributions from other people at the bottom of this post.

People come into polyamory at different life stages and for different reasons. Some take it slowly and gradually, reading and researching first before trying it for the first time. Others jump straight into the deep end and figure it out.

Some people have been introduced to polyamory by their partner. They may have been reluctant to try it initially because of stigma and socialised beliefs but then grown warm to it. There are those that were convinced it is the most logical thing in the world and tried hard to be happy with it but eventually realised it was not for them. Too difficult, too triggering or just not something that made them truly happy.

In no particular order, here are the reasons that I am polyamorous and choose multigamy as my preferred relationship dynamic. I will probably add to this list from time to time, as I learn more, grow more and get inspired by my partners, my friends, and my community.


  • I was born with the capacity and desire to offer love to many and receive the love of many. This is something I only realised after the age of 40, and it made a lot of sense on reflection of the issues I’ve encountered in past monogamous relationships.
  • My core values are: freedom, respect, transparency, empathy and love. It feels much easier for me to live all of these fully by embracing Polyamory.
  • My partner’s pleasure and happiness is important, deserving and does not have to depend on me. While I want to contribute to it as much as I can, if they get more of it alone or with others, that’s amazing. What can be wrong with more pleasure and happiness?
  • I don’t have to seek out ‘the one’ who completes me in every way. My partners connect with me in different ways and bring out different aspects of my personality.
  • I don’t need to try being fully compatible with my partners in every way, as they can have other partners who engage with them differently and bring out other aspects of their personality.
  • When I meet someone I click with, I don’t have to walk away thinking ‘what could have been’. I can explore the connection regardless of my dating status (assuming the person is also open to Polyamory).
  • I get to tell my favorite stories again and again without boring to death the same partner.
  • I get to perfect my story delivery by retelling it to different partners 😁.
  • I appreciate the variety and richness of physically being with different people.
  • I’ve learned so much about relationship communication by adapting and fine-tuning my communication to work with different partners who have different needs and varying styles of communication.
  • A huge long term benefit I see in polyamory, especially in older age, is that if I die before my partners, I know they will not be alone. They will have support in their grief, and continue to have love, care and intimacy in their lives.

Here are yet more reasons / benefits of polyamory from contributors:

  • Somewhere to send the husband when I need alone time.
  • It provides more opportunities to share memes on social media.
  • It represents freedom and authentic self-expression.
  • It beats doing monogamy badly.
  • Helping to be better at communication and negotiation.
  • It is the least-worst option.
  • It is a starting point to discuss and negotiate the exact dynamic that works for you.
  • Gives a more broad and less pre structured approach of relationships.
  • Love the idea of opening up my concept of love, recognising the feelings I have with friends and creative partners, and learning the possibility of living in better alignment with desires and values .
  • In order to do it healthily, it inherently requires proactive self-work and improvement, which I find appealing. 

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