Polyamory and other forms of multigamy (non-monogamy) have been getting a lot of exposure in recent years. They appear in mainstream TV shows and media articles in increasing frequency. This can be confusing for people who have only known monogamy as the default way of having a romantic and sexual relationship. It can feel scary and anxiety inducing to realise that perhaps, much that we thought we knew about relationships is incorrect or at least incomplete.
In my work, I meet clients who started questioning if monogamy is indeed the right relationship dynamic for them. I also meet clients who have a strong logical preference to non-monogamy for ideological and value reasons, and yet struggle with the practice emotionally. Over several years, in private talks and in group sessions, I have heard the fears and concerns people express about ‘opening up’, being completely honest about their desires and wants, and managing their feelings of jealousy when it comes to attempting to break out of monogamy.
In my view, there is no value hierarchy for relationship dynamics. They are along a spectrum, inviting us to consciously explore which is the right dynamic for us. As we change in our lives, so do the dynamics that may suit us.